smoke

I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Which type of Filipina is sexiest?

I’m pretty conflicted about this article from the Huffington Post. On the one hand, it’s a kick to see that Filipinas are considered the fifth sexiest women in the world, ranking after the British, Colombians, Russians, and Brazilians. But on the other hand, I have to wonder, which Filipinas they’re talking about?

For those of you who don’t know or are too chickenshit to admit, there are several kinds of Filipinas, depending on how much foreign blood has been introduced into the mix.

A basic Google Image search ought to illustrate.

First, you have your Basic Malayan – the type I like calling Pinays.

Very beautiful I think, and that pug nose can be quite adorable at times. Nice doe eyes add a hint of oriental mystique, and of course the hair. Now the big boobs in the picture aren’t exactly a common occurrence, but admittedly, when they do happen, they look very nice.

And then there’s the Filipina-Chinese. Let’s call them the Shobes.

Heart Evangelista would fit in this category, but I’m not using her as an example simply because she is a celebrity. And well, celebrities do take extra care of their appearance so, she would hardly be representative of the average Filipina. SO yeah, this chick.

The thing with most Filipina-Chinese is that they tend to have cute rounded cheeks. They rock the look, though.

There are also the Bonitas, Filipina-Spanish. Take a look at this stunner.

While profiling looks is probably one of the least politically correct things to be doing, the physical differences in the appearances of these three broad (and admittedly arbitrary) categories of Filipina women are striking enough to be noticeable. I think these pictures make that pretty obvious.

Bonitas tend to have sharper, more delicate features, such as patrician noses and thin lips. Pinays have fuller features, especially noticeable with the pouty lips and pert noses. Bonitas have rounded eyes, while Shobes and Pinays normally have chinky peepers.

Bonita faces have more angular planes than do the typical Shobes and Pinays. Shobes have softer features, tending to be heart-shaped and Pinays tend to have the oval to oblong face shape characteristic of Malays.

Body-wise, I think Shobes have the best figures. Boobs not to big, tending to be long in the torso, and tall. Bonitas and Pinays are more likely to be petite, with Bonitas being really slightly built while Pinays are more on the robust side.

ASIDE: before you go ballistic on me for doing this kind of comparison, remember I’m only talking about averages here. There are outliers for all three types I’m describing, naturally.

So there you go. I wonder what type of Filipina they considered when they ranked us as the fifth sexiest. What do you think?

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Filed under: international, musings, sex, vacuity, , , ,

Bea Alonzo’s Tits

I don’t normally weatch Vice Ganda’s show, but I do happen to have people in the house who do. Tonight, I peeked over their shoulders and good god, there they were: Bea Alonzo’s magnificent mammaries.

Seeing as how, even after having breastfed, I still don’t have tits worth mentioning, I was entranced by her creamy mounds, teasingly revealed by a peek-a-boo blouse with an otherwise respectable neckline. It was a moment of sapphic sublimity that got me thinking: why are boobs so attractive?

I came up with five reasons. But before I get to them, let me be upfront and tell you these are the kinds of boobs that I find most attractive:

That’s Malena Morgan … as if you didn’t already know that.

If you can tear your eyes off of them beauties, we can continue.

Alright. So, the five reasons why boobs are so attractive.

Number 1. It’s biological. Nice rounded boobs are nature’s way of signalling that this female is of prime reproductive age, with a better than average chance of producing ample amounts of milk. Sometimes, nature gets it wrong, of course, but in general, that’s what good titties signify. Modern man, however, doesn’t exactly remember those biological imperatives anymore and we’ve learned to interpret our reaction to boobs as the mere activation of our libido.

Number 2. It’s sociological. Most societies with roots in Western culture are still not used to seeing those parts of a female anatomy bared. Just like they say certain Arabic men get hard from seeing ankles, most modern people are triggered by the sight of skin that is usually covered up. The opposite is true. In Africa, where tribeswomen walk around all day with their tits flopping free, the sight of a bare chest doesn’t really do much for the male population – unless it’s a pair of pale tits. In a sense, this is still a biological response of course, but I would classify it as more sociological.

Number 3. For unlucky women like me, it’s aspirational. I want boobs like those. Of course, there’s a fair amount of envy in there too, which I would rather not dwell on, thank you very much.

Number 4. For men, it’s also aspirational. Our men have been weaned on the belief that big tits equals hot chick. And hot chick equals status in the boy’s club. So, when men see tits like that, it triggers a largely unconscious train of thought: if I can get my hands on those, it’ll give me status. Hence, trophy wives for over-compensating men.

And Number 5. Goddamn, it’s TITS man!

 

Filed under: vacuity, , ,

Wrong on so many levels

Like everyone else, I was really stoked to find out that Charice Pempengco, that little girl with the big growling voice, was going to sing at one of the pre-inaugural balls for the new American President.

At least I was until I found out what she was going to sing.

The kid is singing God Bless America. Now that is just so wrong on so many levels.

God Bless America, 
Land that I love. 
Stand beside her, and guide her 
Thru the night with a light from above. 
From the mountains, to the prairies, 
To the oceans, white with foam 
God bless America, My home sweet home.

While we must of course avoid being too literal minded about songs and such, the fact remains that this is not an ordinary song. As far as anthems go, God Bless America is right up there with the Star-Spangled Banner and Hail to the Chief. 

It’s a song that is so steeped in American tradition and sentiment that, one would think, it is a song that only an American should sing. Or a foreigner wanting to become an American.

After all, what is she supposed to sing? God Bless America, land that you love,  your home sweet home?

charicesmoke

Filed under: fandom, Filipino, pop-culture, society, vacuity, , , ,

I’m too sexy for you

You prolly hear that all the time from model-types. Or maybe from the girl in your high school that neither you nor your cronies could touch with a ten-foot boner. But before you sneer at your soon to be ex-girlfriend saying she’s too sexy for you, hold up! She might just be stating a biological fact.

University of Texas psychologists Kristina Durante and Norman Li found that women with high concentrations of the hormone oestradiol were likelier to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair outside an established relationship.

High concentrations of oestradiol are associated with big breasts, facial attractiveness and low waist-to-hip ratio, with the result that men solicit such women.

In a study published in the British journal Biology Letters, the duo described the behavior as “opportunistic serial monogamy” and not related to one-night stands.

Instead, they suggested, such women were more probably being prompted to trade up in their relationships — to find a better partner.

So it doesn’t really matter if you’re an awesome listener. Her DNA might just be looking for a better deal. Try not to take it too personally.

how_to_marry_rich2

Filed under: health, humor, science, sex, vacuity, , ,

Libel Blog

Can a blogger really be sued for libel over stuff written on her blog?

Even a cursory review of the law clearly indicates that the answer should be yes. In fact, I think the Warrior Lawyer would agree.

In this particular instance, i.e., Bambee’s post about the Valley Golf incident, I think this bit of jurisprudence might be of help.

In order to constitute malice, ill will must be personal. So if the ill will is engendered by one’s sense of justice or other legitimate or plausible motive, such feeling negatives actual malice. [Aquino, Ramon C., The Revised Penal Code, Vol. III, Bk. II, 1997 Ed., citing People v. de los Reyes, Jr., 47 OG 3569]

The post was written immediately after the incident, and it was clearly written by one who felt aggrieved and desirous of justice. So, I imagine she’ll be okay. 

But where does that leave the rest of us?

The Warrior Lawyer says:

If you call someone a scum-sucking, slimeball, swindling pimp, even if this is fairly accurate, and post it online, you may be sued for making libelous statements.

What about calling Senators, Members of the House of Representatives, and various other people – politicians or not – MORONS, as I have been wont to do? Am I likely to be in trouble? HAHAHA! 

Hell no.  As far as I know, I haven’t yet called anyone a pimp – oh, wait. I have.

Hold up … mom screaming from the gate …

What is it ma?? A process server? Wait wait … tell ‘im you don’t – 

Oh crap.

SO there’s a process server at the door. GTG.

Filed under: humor, law and order, vacuity, , , ,

Consumer rage

I suppose that’s what they’ll call it when the plumber finally darkens my door and gets introduced to the business end of a Glock.

1203043415-duracoatpinkglock111107

 

Why, hello.

Please to fix the hot water nao. kthnxbai.

Filed under: vacuity,

Manila Mediocre Film Festival

Tonight, watching the awarding ceremonies for the 2008 MMFF, I couldn’t help but cringe when the nominees for a special Gat-something award – supposedly for showcasing Philippine culture and values – was read out and included movies like One Night Only and Desperadas. My mom shushed me and told me that all movies were in the running since they were in the Festival after all.

And then the nominees for best actress were read and the list included Marian Rivera and Diana Zubiri? OMFG. When Anne Curtis hyperventilated clutching her trophy, I couldn’t help but think two things: first, I wondered how victory could NOT taste like ashes in her mouth; and second, that there was a time, not too long ago, when the Manila Film Festival wasn’t held because there were no movies deemed good enough. 

I have nothing against comedy movies winning major acting or production awards – even best movie awards; and I have nothing against young actors winning recognition for their work as well. But for crying out loud, have we been reduced to giving out awards to the best among the mediocre? Is this the genius way we’ve stumbled upon to promote the film industry?

 

mediocrity

God help us all.

Filed under: movies, society, vacuity, , , , , , ,

Five Days

Five days to go before Christmas. Hudathunkit?

And so because my brain is in dire jeopardy of drying up from writing this stupid year-end report (I wasn’t even here for most of the year!) … I present … FIVE CHRISTMAS FACTS YOU DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW BUT WHICH I’M TELLING YOU ANYWAY BECAUSE I DON’T WANT MY BRAIN TO SHRIVEL UP AND DIE WRITING THIS STUPID YEAR-END REPORT:

05: I’ve slept through Christmas eve dinner for the last four years. I don’t think this year will be any different. I simply stay up till midnight, spam my entire phonebook with the most generic christmas greeting I can think off, then trundle off to bed. This year, I imagine I’ll be plurking – mute testament to my utter social dysfunctionality.

04: I am the only one in my entire circle of friends – in meatspace, I mean – who actually enjoys fruitcake. Don’t ask me why.

03: Every year, I say that I’ll only send out Christmas cards – no presents. Every year, I realize that I’m just fooling myself.

02: I shave. When I have time, I go in for a Brazilian. Not exactly Christmas related … but it’ll do.

01: I am fairly obsessed with lists, although I’ve never actually created a list worth remembering. Except maybe that list of CHristmas songs I like. 

Back to work now, before Santa crashes through my door. I swear, if he threatens me with that damned Christmas list of his …

 

Then one foggy christmas eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph’s … dead.

Filed under: vacuity,

Marian devotion

Someone please tell me why this girl attracts so much flak. Why do so many people seem to … dislike her?

marian

Filed under: pop-culture, vacuity,

Womanizer

And in the continuing saga of my vacuity …

Alright. If you’ve been here before, then you know that I’m a Lily Allen fallen. But please know that that has no bearing whatsoever on what I’m about to say next: Lily Allen just pWnd Britney Spears! HAH!

My fav’rit drunken mess – worse than Brit and not quite as bad as Win-o-house – just recorded a cover of Womanizer. I’ve no idea what possessed her to do that – prolly some self-promotional whorage – but since she did, I’ve got to say that she totally nailed it. Good-bye annoying nasal twang; good-bye shrill and whining voices; goodbye skank images dancing around in my head. HOw I felt when I first heard Lily’s version was approximately how I felt when I first heard Prince sing Nothing Compares 2 U at the Glam Slam. 

*sigh*

Oh and did I mention that Lily’s WOmanizer is much better than Brit’s?

 

 

Filed under: pop-culture, vacuity, , ,