smoke

I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Bea Alonzo’s Tits

I don’t normally weatch Vice Ganda’s show, but I do happen to have people in the house who do. Tonight, I peeked over their shoulders and good god, there they were: Bea Alonzo’s magnificent mammaries.

Seeing as how, even after having breastfed, I still don’t have tits worth mentioning, I was entranced by her creamy mounds, teasingly revealed by a peek-a-boo blouse with an otherwise respectable neckline. It was a moment of sapphic sublimity that got me thinking: why are boobs so attractive?

I came up with five reasons. But before I get to them, let me be upfront and tell you these are the kinds of boobs that I find most attractive:

That’s Malena Morgan … as if you didn’t already know that.

If you can tear your eyes off of them beauties, we can continue.

Alright. So, the five reasons why boobs are so attractive.

Number 1. It’s biological. Nice rounded boobs are nature’s way of signalling that this female is of prime reproductive age, with a better than average chance of producing ample amounts of milk. Sometimes, nature gets it wrong, of course, but in general, that’s what good titties signify. Modern man, however, doesn’t exactly remember those biological imperatives anymore and we’ve learned to interpret our reaction to boobs as the mere activation of our libido.

Number 2. It’s sociological. Most societies with roots in Western culture are still not used to seeing those parts of a female anatomy bared. Just like they say certain Arabic men get hard from seeing ankles, most modern people are triggered by the sight of skin that is usually covered up. The opposite is true. In Africa, where tribeswomen walk around all day with their tits flopping free, the sight of a bare chest doesn’t really do much for the male population – unless it’s a pair of pale tits. In a sense, this is still a biological response of course, but I would classify it as more sociological.

Number 3. For unlucky women like me, it’s aspirational. I want boobs like those. Of course, there’s a fair amount of envy in there too, which I would rather not dwell on, thank you very much.

Number 4. For men, it’s also aspirational. Our men have been weaned on the belief that big tits equals hot chick. And hot chick equals status in the boy’s club. So, when men see tits like that, it triggers a largely unconscious train of thought: if I can get my hands on those, it’ll give me status. Hence, trophy wives for over-compensating men.

And Number 5. Goddamn, it’s TITS man!

 

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