I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Five Days

Five days to go before Christmas. Hudathunkit?

And so because my brain is in dire jeopardy of drying up from writing this stupid year-end report (I wasn’t even here for most of the year!) … I present … FIVE CHRISTMAS FACTS YOU DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW BUT WHICH I’M TELLING YOU ANYWAY BECAUSE I DON’T WANT MY BRAIN TO SHRIVEL UP AND DIE WRITING THIS STUPID YEAR-END REPORT:

05: I’ve slept through Christmas eve dinner for the last four years. I don’t think this year will be any different. I simply stay up till midnight, spam my entire phonebook with the most generic christmas greeting I can think off, then trundle off to bed. This year, I imagine I’ll be plurking – mute testament to my utter social dysfunctionality.

04: I am the only one in my entire circle of friends – in meatspace, I mean – who actually enjoys fruitcake. Don’t ask me why.

03: Every year, I say that I’ll only send out Christmas cards – no presents. Every year, I realize that I’m just fooling myself.

02: I shave. When I have time, I go in for a Brazilian. Not exactly Christmas related … but it’ll do.

01: I am fairly obsessed with lists, although I’ve never actually created a list worth remembering. Except maybe that list of CHristmas songs I like. 

Back to work now, before Santa crashes through my door. I swear, if he threatens me with that damned Christmas list of his …


Then one foggy christmas eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph’s … dead.


Filed under: vacuity,

4 Responses

  1. BrianB says:

    “02: I shave. When I have time, I go in for a Brazilian. Not exactly Christmas related … but it’ll do.”

    I’m outta here.

  2. cvj says:

    I wonder when in the last twenty years did the trend towards ‘shaving’ start?

  3. rom says:

    cvj: prolly the early 80’s. Mt mom said those hippy chicks didn’t even shave their pits. Eep. Talk about hygiene – or the lack thereof! 😀 LOL!

  4. cvj says:

    I noticed armpit shaving even during the 70’s, although in Hongkong, i can still see unshaved women in the late 80’s. It’s that whole ‘Brazilian’ trend that i’m wondering about. In the early nineties, as far as i knew, this was not common practice. Today, it seems mandatory.

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