I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.


I picked my aunt up from NAIA last night. Now, as these thngs go, you can’t really time your arrival (as the pick-up vehicle) to perfectly coincide with the arrival of the passenger at the pick-up area. Once in a while, you get lucky, but most of the time, the pick-up vehicle is too early and has to move on and circle around, or the passenger needs to wait for a little while.

Last night, I arrived about two minutes early. It was one a.m., there were like three other cars in the waiting area, and I thought, with my aunt’s head just coming into view on the arrivals ramp, I could have the car idle in place for a very brief while. 

Less than 10 seconds after i pulled into the waiting box, this security guard ambles up to me and starts making this twirly signal with his hand. He was telling me that I needed to circle around. I pointed to my aunt and said – look, there’s my pick-up! He looks at her, shrugs, and goes – I think she’s gonna take awhile.

True enough, my aunt was struggling with her cart and was coming down only verrrrry slowly.

The guard then says, ‘but if madame were to leave something for coffee ….’

My reaction was a toss-up between disgust and relief that even airport security guards were corrupt. And to my eternal mortification, relief won. I threw the door open, ran up the ramp and collected my aunt. As I was loading her luggage onto the car, the security guard sidled up and helped with the now-empty cart, with one hand hanging down by his side, open, with the palm facing backward – a hand position I call “the supersecret moneyhandshake.”

Seeing that galavanized me. 

In my pocket, I knew I had a wad of paper that looked like money. Earlier that night, I’d been at a party where one of the party favors was Monopoly money. We all got to take home whatever we won or ended up with after the game. And since I’d won big, I had a pretty thick wad in my pocket. 

So, after i’d packed my aunt into the car, I got in, and just before pulling away, I stuck my arm out the window and whispered as sexily as I could, “boss,” all the while waggling my half-closed fist in the bribe-giver’s version of the supersecretmoneyhandshake. The pathetic security creep practically mauled my hand – I think he even got a thrill holding my whole fist. As we drove away – just to make sure he didn’t look at the money while I was still within gunshot (LOL) – I waggled my newly french-tipped fingers at him. 

Then my faithful driver stepped on the gas and drove us out of there! WoOt!


Filed under: society, vacuity, , , ,

5 Responses

  1. niki says:

    Haha! *apir*

  2. BrianB says:

    You better hope he doesn’t remember you. Filipinos have a long memory for slights. I thought you’ve lived here all your life? Most people would rather confront the sikyu in an angry tone. What I’m saying is that you reversed the moral order. Sikyu should feel guilty, but now he thinks you are guilty.

  3. BrianB says:

    But who knows, maybe it will do some good.

  4. rom says:

    brianb: that’s a pretty sharp insight there, bri, about ‘reversing the moral order.’ Kinda underscores just how broken we’ve become, when it’s the corrupt who can feel righteously indignant. Sad, really.

  5. BrianB says:

    I’m just saying that’s the perspective the guard might take. They’re not called “sikyus” for nothing.

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