I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Little Earthquakes

Patricio Mangubat, over at Filipino Voices, writes about how the July 18 earthquake prediction is actually a political tool – a way of spooking people into accepting whatever Gloria proposes during her State of the Nation Address on the 28th. The scenario, I suppose, is something like how Dubya managed to turn 9/11 into a carte blanche for his agenda.

Now I respect Mr. Mangubat seventy-five ways from Sunday, but this latest from him has me shaking my head in amazement how everything – quite literally everything – can be made to fall into GMA’s lap. It makes me remember how, some time ago, an anti-GMA rally was rained out and the rumors came swiftly that Gloria had caused the rain to fall with some surreptitious and perfectly timed cloud seeding.  And now this.

I don’t buy it. The scenario being painted by Mangubat calls for people to be scared almost shitless so that they fall meekly in line with GMA’s policies – thinking that they are a “bitter pill” that needs to be swallowed.

Is anyone really scared by prophets of doom anymore? And even if they are, I hardly think the average Filipino is gonna stay home and wait and see if the earthquake comes rumbling. Remember when there was a slew of text messages from someone claiming to be an ISAFP agent, warning of malls and other public places being bombed? The malls didn’t empty, and the trains were as overloaded as ever. This won’t be any different. More likely, people will go to work precisely to see if the earthquake happens. LOL! It’s called the simian reflex – the tendency of people to ignore danger – or, in this case, the possibility of danger – and gather ’round simply for the purpose of ‘seeing what happened.’

Also, I can imagine bloggers like me going out on that day, armed with a digital camera, loitering around tall buildings just on the off chance I can snap some really cool pictures of falling buildings. It’s a bit morbid, I suppose, but you’ve no idea how often I’ve smacked myself upside the head for not having a camera handy when the perfect shot presents itself.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should ignore the warning. On the 18th of July, kinda drift near doorways whenever you have a chance – LOL! I can imagine how crowded doorways will be as people invent excuses to loiter near exits! – and, if you can, bring a dog. When the dog starts going apeshit, run for cover.

For superstitious folk, wear your lucky underwear. For everyone else, allow me to suggest that you wear your I-might-get-lucky underwear. Who knows. You might get pinned in the rubble somewhere and when they have to cut your pants up to get at your injuries, do you really want to be wearing those long-sleeved granny panties? No, people. You want to be in lace.

Seriously tho’, I-might-get-lucky- underwear is a practical consideration. Earthquakes make people horny like hell. Maybe it’s the thought of having survived something that would have surely snuffed you out; maybe it’s your ovaries getting knocked around. Whatever, people who survive earthquakes experience a spike in horniness and, if you’re with someone you care even a little about, you just might end up knocking boots within half-an-hour. Now there’s something to look forward to, eh?

Oh, and don’t forget to bring condoms. You don’t want to be part of the post-earthquake-baby-boom statistic either.

‘Course, if an earthquake does come rumbling into town on the 18th, I will be so mortified.


Filed under: humor, vacuity, , ,

11 Responses

  1. Christine says:

    Interesting. I heard something about an earthquake prediction but I never thought it was tied to the Philippine President.

  2. rom says:

    Christine: welcome to the smoking room! It’s not so much that it’s tied to the President, as there are some people who really go through the trouble of making that connection – no matter how tenuous. 🙂 I loved your blog. It’s gonna be my next smokin’ hot feature!

  3. red says:

    yeah I thought it was ridiculous and bordering on stupidity on how he tied it to GMA.

  4. midfield says:

    Rom, I’d have to take your side of your analysis here, and I can almost picture you puffing out circles as you ponder over Pat’s somewhat overdrawn ‘linking exercise’. Would love, one time to get a whiff of your secondhand smoke. 🙂

  5. the warrior lawyer says:

    Now if what you say about horniness after earthquakes is true, we can expect a spike in the birth rate in the Sichuan region of China 7-8 months from now.

    As for me, the reason I’ll be wearing my good underwear is so I’ll look good when they pull my sorry carcass out of the rubble.

  6. rc says:

    “The scenario, I suppose, is something like how Dubya managed to turn 9/11 into a carte blanche for his agenda.”

    Just stunned at this, really I am…you make a lot of sense sometimes, but 9/11 has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with a shakey (excuse the pun) prediction of a natural disaster…what a crock of BDS. It’s what we call ‘A REALLY SHITTY ANALOGY’. Sorry, but 9/11 wasn’t some vaporous prediction of things to come…believe it or not, it actually happened and before you go all ‘truther’ here, the US didn’t plan and execute it…islamic terrorist did…we actually have pictures of their foolish mugs to prove it…I give up, it’s hopeless. People who try to change the world, but have no idea what the world even looks like will always make a bigger mess of things than we already have….whatevs!

  7. rom says:

    rc: welcome to the smoking room! Your response, while I understand where you’re coming from, is what I call ‘SHOOTING FROM THE HIP.’ Why don’t you read the article I’m commenting on, and maybe then you’ll understand that what I’m talking about.

    but just in case you’re too lazy to do that, let me break it down for you.

    The article talks about how this prediction of an earthquake is being used by the President to get her way with the public – presumably through emergency powers and whatnot. This is exactly the same accusation being leveled at your beloved Dubya. Hence, the analogy is perfect.

    As for my own take on the matter, isn’t it obvs that I am laughing at this kind tortured finger-pointing?

    Go get an enema.

  8. rc says:

    Thanks for the welcome rom…I still have no idea why you didn’t think I read the article though…I was criticizing exactly the point you just restated in fact:

    “presumably through emergency powers and whatnot. This is exactly the same accusation being leveled at your beloved Dubya. Hence, the analogy is perfect.”

    Yep, except what ’emergency’ powers did Dubya get out of this exactly? Nope, it is a perfectly crappy analogy, like I said the first time…but we may disagree about that…

    “As for my own take on the matter, isn’t it obvs that I am laughing at this kind tortured finger-pointing?

    Go get an enema.”

    Well, laugh yourself silly then…my point stands…and about the enema…no thanks, I’m not the one who’s constipated here.

  9. rom says:

    rc: 9/11, as heinous as it was, did provide the casus belli for that clusterfuck in Iraq; it provided the rationalization for wiretaps; it fuels the continuing state-of-denial over waterboarding and renditions.

    the reason I told you to go read the article – and the reason i’m still convinced you didn’t read it the first time – is that mangubat’s article takes an event – that warning about an impending earthquake – and says that it will be used to scare people into accepting moves that will give the President more power.

    Dubya is being accused of the same thing. That he took an event – 9/11 – and used it scare people into accepting moves that gave him the power to send thousands of American soldiers to die in the desert, to violate the rights of privacy of hundreds of people, and to sanction acts of torture.

    I am not, nor have I ever, questioned whether 9/11 was for real. I was laughing – yes, laughing myself silly – that people do this kind of linking at all. And if you were to bother to consider that for a moment, then maybe you have a chance of understanding that I think it is silly for a crack-pot prediction to be linked to the president as a political tool, just as I think it is foolish to take 9/11 and accuse Dubya and his hawks of orchestrating it so they can go to war.

    Clear enough for ya?

    Now about that enema …

  10. Bencard says:

    but then, rom, consider the source. this mangubat is the same guy who, as a law student, claims (sarcastically) that there is no such crime as plotting a coup, implying that those who recently arrested alleged coup proponents did not know what they were doing.

  11. rom says:

    bencard: now, now uncle. 😀 free market of ideas and all that ….

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