I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Thank you for flying with us

A friend of mine asked me to go with her to buy airline tickets for a trip to Cebu. Being on a tight budget, she wanted to compare prices from Philippine Airlines, Cebu Pacific, and Air Philippines. Not actually knowing the difference between a computer and a paper-weight, she was convinced that the only way to do this was to actually go from one ticket office to another. Desperate for entertainment, I packed my laptop away and went with her into the blinding summer sun.

Since AirPhil turned out to be the cheapest ride (obviously), my friend decided to get her tickets from there. We got our priority number and immediately wondered why they even bothered calling the damned thing that. I mean, if you’re holding a scrap of paper (apparently torn from some poor glossy mag) with a 37 scrawled on it with a permanent marker, you are NOT the airlines’ priority.

Anyway, I looked and the counter – which had only one frazzled looking girl doing business – was serving number 12. Riiiight.

I looked out of the ticket office and saw that the PAL office was being stampeded by a whole bunch of no one, and decided that i needed to educate my friend.

I sidled up to her and, in my best stewardess voice, announced:

“Passengers on Air Philippines flight 213 … please be advised that since this is the first flight of the day, we will only be taking exact change. Barya lang po sa umaga.

She grinned like a cheshire cat but dint laugh. She apparently knew that I was trying to get her to change her mind. The glint in her eye said “no go.” Since I know a challenge when I see one, I took a deep breath and tried again. Fortunately, my friend has a very shallow sense of humor.

“Passengers on Air Philippines flight 213 … this is your captain speaking. We will be taking off shortly … just as soon as they finish transferring the engines of flight 203 to our airplane.”

That made her snigger. I went on.

“Passengers on Air Philippines flight 213 … as part of our commitment to your safety, your cabin crew will be handing out rosaries and St. Jude novena booklets.”

I could tell she was trying to hold back on laughing.

“Passengers on Air Philippines flight 213 … please stay calm. The captain has already been given black coffee, no sugar. He should be up and about in no time.”

By now, the other people waiting their turn had started listening to my stupid jokes. Some were openly laughing, others were looking shocked (shocked! i tell you). My friend, on the other hand, had her hand clamped to her face and was starting to turn red.

“Passengers on Air Philippines flight 213 … as part of our commitment to your well-being, we have ambulances waiting on the tarmac. Please approach any uniformed person once you get off the slides. Thank you for flying Air Philippines!”

She burst out laughing and practically dragged me all the way to the PAL office. I had just enough time to notice that the counter had started serving priority number 16.


Filed under: humor, ,

9 Responses

  1. betme says:

    Ahhh… A sense of Humor. Don’t leave home without it! 😀

  2. BrianB says:

    Air Philippines and Cebu Pacific have the nicer attendants. Why would anyone want to take PAL?

  3. BrianB says:

    And the only close close I’ve had on a Jet was on Cebu Pacific from Hong Kong (sue me!). So there. Domestically, I’ve been an Air Phil customer for almost five years. And think about this, because of their reputation, their pilots are always extra careful.

  4. Rom says:

    Brianb: to each his own, i guess. 🙂

  5. Jeg says:

    Enlighten me please. What exactly is Air Philippines’s reputation? Do they really have a poor safety record? Documented and all that? For local travel, I generally dont want PAL. That’s because Im old enough to remember when they had a monopoly on domestic travel and the people at the booking offices treated passengers like they were a nuisance. “Anak ng- Costumer na naman. Nagtetelebabad ako e.” If theyve improved since then, I wouldnt know.

    In any case, rom, youre pani.

  6. rom says:

    Jeg: to be perfectly fair, airphil doesn’t actually have a bad record – just a bad reputation as a bargain basement airline – and all the safety concerns that entails. I remember the first few planes of airphil were hand-me-downs from other airlines. There was even one flight i was on where the seats all had different seat covers. some still had pan-am markings. not the best way to inspire confidence. 🙂

  7. BrianB says:

    Jeq, very cheap airline. I once looked down to my left and saw a bare foot resting there. The guy behind thinks he can.

  8. tsd says:

    i have nothing against air phil. i actually think it’s great that the philippines has an budget airline that works but my loyalty is still with PAL. at the very least, if and when they are late, the airport isn’t as bad a place to get stuck in as it used to be. cebu pacific… the flight attendants outfits are a personal turn off. i think, on some deep, psychologically unconsious and twisted level, the outfits prepare the attendants for some jungle trekking or easy swimming. y’know, just in case of a crash…

  9. rom says:

    tsd: welcome to the smoking room! i never noticed that about their flight attendants, but now that you mention it, LOL!!!

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