I write better when I smoke. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science.

Heart Evangelista’s tits


Now that Heart Evangelista has gotten herself engaged to perpetual man-child Chiz (even his nickname is lost in a timewarp) Escudero, the chances of the rest of humanity ever seeing her tits have plummeted to almost zero. Such a shame, considering how seemingly well formed her chestal assets are.


Oh well.



Filed under: sex, ,

Let the bosses speak up then

The limitations on the term of the President of the Republic of the Philippines are enshrined in the 1987 Constitution as a repudiation by the Filipino people of the idea that no President is so good that he should not be replaced when his term ends.

This is important because the mandatory replacement of Presidents after six years protects the Filipino nation from the depredations of would be tyrants. It ensures that the font of leadership is continuously refreshed and therefore kept clean, reasonably free from the taint of vested interests and despotism, no matter how benign it may seem at the moment.

To eliminate those term limitations, while it may permit a good President to seek a fresh mandate, would be to render the nation vulnerable to whims and caprices of a bad President in the event that such a one ever manages to occupy the highest public office. In essence, therefore, eliminating those limitations is tantamount to sacrificing long-term security for the mere possibility that the present occupant might do more good, and banking on the hope that he won’t eventually turn bad himself.

Today, we face those limitations face the strongest and most credible threat ever brought against it. It is true that others may have sought to eliminate those limitations before, but never has that move been endorsed by anyone as influential as the current President.

And it is precisely under these circumstances that the Filipino people must be most vigilant. To his credit, the current President has won the respect of many for his stance on corruption and his reformatory zeal. Neither his accomplishments however, nor his perceived incorruptibility are reason enough to sanction a virtual return to monarchy.

If the President is sincere in his desire to see his reforms continued – and there is no reason to believe otherwise – there are avenues open to him to accomplish exactly that without riding roughshod over the Charter.

He has repeatedly said that he will listen to the voice of his bosses. This petition seeks only to offer him the true voice of his bosses – the Filipino nation that is composed not only of those who believe in him, but also of those who feel that the opportunity for change should not be undermined.




Filed under: Filipino

Follow me?

I’m writing on now. It’s a new thing. I just can’t abide by the interface on, so…

I’ll still be posting here from time to time tho. But, have you seen all these ads? They’re not mine, I have nothing to do with them, and no, they’re not making me any money.

See you at that other place. 😀


Filed under: Quick Posts

No apologies

That’s the treacherous thing about calling the Filipino people your Boss, and continuously making such a big deal of it. First of all, it’s plain rhetoric, ok? A figure of speech, a manner of speaking. But when the shit hits the fan, it becomes a bludgeon that can be used to beat you over the head with.

Now this:

You set yourself up for this, boss.

Should he apologize? Of course not! He’s the fucking president, isn’t he? And look at what happened to the last bitch who tried to do that? HAH! Her apology turned a bludgeon into a thousand knives. And that’s what’s gonna happen here too, if Aquino apologizes.

The apology will be considered an admission of guilt and the rabble will just use that as another rallying cry for his ouster. Filipinos – or at least the spinners amongst us – aren’t a particularly forgiving lot. With those people, it’s always a bait-and-switch. Like Frank Drilon telling GMA to apologize then later joining the chorus ridiculing the apology as being too little too late.

Look. Thanks to the Supreme Court, we all know that the DAP is unconstitutional. Thanks to Renato Reyes of Bayan (or Akbayan or Anakbayan or whatever permutation of Bayan there might be), we know that the President signed off on it. Edwin Lacierda even confirmed it – just like Toting Bunye did with those Garci tapes. So, yeah, that’s pretty much an airtight case for the President’s involvement in an unconstitutional act.

Do we really need an apology?

What would it serve? To soothe our ruffled feathers? HAH!

How sincere can that apology be when the official party line is that all those acts were done in good faith. How can the President be apologizing for DAP when his mouthpieces maintain that they didn’t know they were doing the wrong thing?

And speaking of good faith, that defense smacks of bad faith itself.

First of all, the Constitution is considered written into every single fucking law, rule, contract. Everything, in other words, that this benighted government does. And that self-same Constitution is clear as day about the limitations of the President’s powers to realign funds. Doesn’t it beggar the intellect of people to ask us to accept that they honestly thought they weren’t doing anything wrong?

Hold up. It might actually be possible – considering that they’ve surrounded themselves with yes-men (Is this Constitutional? Yes sir! err… what are we talking about sir?), stacked the Supreme Court in their favor, AND pocketed more Congressmen than you can shake a stick at! Given all that, it probably isn’t impossible for the President to have received bad advice.

HOLY SHIT! That means HE isn’t responsible at all!!!

See, toldja he didn’t have to apologize.

And besides. Kris Aquino.

Filed under: politics, ,

A crime with no criminal

Te said the dispositive portion of the ruling did not mention anything about liabilities of the government officials involved in the DAP.

So sayeth GMA news. And with reports coming out that this decision is supposed to apply only proactively, I guess that means we have another crime with no criminal.

So also said the anti-GMA luddites about the Ombudsman’s decision not to prosecute anyone for the fiasco that was the 2004 automated elections project.

It’s pretty funny because a lot of those luddites now bask in the glow of the yellow sun. It’ll be interesting to see the pretzels they twist themselves into in trying to explain why this decision of the SC now is acceptable, while that of the Ombudsman back then wasn’t.

It should be doubly interesting because now, what’s at stake is actually a constitutional issue. With the voting machines in 2004, it was really just about the COMELEC buying machines and the retarded opinion that it would herald the end of the world.



Filed under: automation, , ,

AKRHO is not a fraternity (Corrected – AKRHO NOT INVOLVED)

Alpha Kappa Rho is not a fraternity, it’s a street gang. Regardless of its fairly decent roots in UST (where it was founded by a bunch of Commerce students and one Med student), the organization as it exists now has devolved into lawlessness and atavistic barbarism. The death of Guillo Cesar Servando is proof of that.

EDIT: It has come to light that it wasn’t AKRHO that was involved in the death of Servs (as his HS friends called Giullo Servando), but Tau Gamma Phi. While I stand by my opinion of AKRHO, it is not fair for them to be mentioned in connection with this incident. I apologize for that.

As for Tau Gamma, I daresay you can take my first paragraph, replace AKRHO with Tau Gamma, replace UST with UP, and it’d still be accurate as hell. Tau Gamma has, in fact, devolved into a street gang whose grubby members are given to vandalizing property with spray painted triskelions.

Admittedly, in both cases, the original members – and perhaps several generations of members – remain true to the mission of their founding fathers, but it would be wishful thinking of the worst sort to deny that the adoption of their name and style by thugs and hoodlums has not done their organizations any good.

Time to crack down, before someone else dies.

How many more of these young people have to die before schools and the Department of Education take concrete steps? The Anti-Hazing Law is one of the most pointless statutes in the books. In my experience, it ranks up there with “Terms and Policies of Use” as the most un-read and ignored documents anywhere. Hell, the title itself gives the damned thing away: AN ACT REGULATING HAZING AND OTHER FORMS OF INITIATION RITES IN FRATERNITIES, SORORITIES, AND OTHER ORGANIZATIONS AND PROVIDING PENALTIES THEREFOR.

Even better, check out Section 4:

Section 4. If the person subjected to hazing or other forms of initiation rites suffers any physical injury or dies as a result thereof, the officers and members of the fraternity, sorority or organization who actually participated in the infliction of physical harm shall be liable as principals.

The provision starts with a big IF, and that IF has been the dodge for every fraternity and sorority. If there is physical injury, you’re in trouble, so NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. But what authorities ignore is the fact that this actually gives permission for initiation masters to do everything short of breaking skin and drawing blood. And of course, even if you start out with small acts of violence masquerading as taunts, the atmosphere in an initiation is so heady that it becomes easy to graduate to bigger and bigger acts of overt violence.

The rest of the law is no better.

Section 1. Hazing, as used in this Act, is an initiation rite or practice as a prerequisite for admission into membership in a fraternity, sorority or organization by placing the recruit, neophyte or applicant in some embarrassing or humiliating situations such as forcing him to do menial, silly, foolish and other similar tasks or activities or otherwise subjecting him to physical or psychological suffering or injury.

The term “organization” shall include any club or the Armed Forces of the Philippines, Philippine National Police, Philippine Military Academy, or officer and cadet corp of the Citizen’s Military Training and Citizen’s Army Training. The physical, mental and psychological testing and training procedure and practices to determine and enhance the physical, mental and psychological fitness of prospective regular members of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and the Philippine National Police as approved ny the Secretary of National Defense and the National Police Commission duly recommended by the Chief of Staff, Armed Forces of the Philippines and the Director General of the Philippine National Police shall not be considered as hazing for the purposes of this Act.

The definition of hazing is retarded. It swings wildly from overbreadth (silly tasks is hazing???) to setting up internal inconsistencies (mentions psychological suffering or injury as a form of hazing but punishes only physical injury).

Section 2. No hazing or initiation rites in any form or manner by a fraternity, sorority or organization shall be allowed without prior written notice to the school authorities or head of organization seven (7) days before the conduct of such initiation. The written notice shall indicate the period of the initiation activities which shall not exceed three (3) days, shall include the names of those to be subjected to such activities, and shall further contain an undertaking that no physical violence be employed by anybody during such initiation rites.

So, it’s the anti-hazing law, but hazing is actually allowed IF with prior notice. Talk about undermining yourself.

Section 3. The head of the school or organization or their representatives must assign at least two (2) representatives of the school or organization, as the case may be, to be present during the initiation. It is the duty of such representative to see to it that no physical harm of any kind shall be inflicted upon a recruit, neophyte or applicant.

Here, notice the preferential attention given to “physical injuries” despite mentioning psychological suffering in Section 1. This is significant because psychological torture acts a a gateway to physical abuse. When a person inflict psychological suffering on someone, his levels of aggression increase in inverse proportion to the ability of the victim to vocalize resistance. In other words, the more aggressive the initiator is, the less likely the neophyte will be able to shout FOUL! And in that situation, the cocktail of power over a submissive predisposes to the infliction of greater and greater pain.

Notice also that there is no indication of the representatives’ qualifications. They can literally be students themselves. And even if they were faculty, the law does not provide for any mechanism – such as the requirement to submit a report – that would ensure that these representatives actually do what the law intends for them to do.

Section 4. If the person subjected to hazing or other forms of initiation rites suffers any physical injury or dies as a result thereof, the officers and members of the fraternity, sorority or organization who actually participated in the infliction of physical harm shall be liable as principals. The person or persons who participated in the hazing shall suffer:

1. The penalty of reclusion perpetua (life imprisonment) if death, rape, sodomy or mutilation results there from.

2. The penalty of reclusion temporal in its maximum period (17 years, 4 months and 1 day to 20 years) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall become insane, imbecile, impotent or blind.

3. The penalty of reclusion temporal in its medium period (14 years, 8 months and one day to 17 years and 4 months) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall have lost the use of speech or the power to hear or to smell, or shall have lost an eye, a hand, a foot, an arm or a leg or shall have lost the use of any such member shall have become incapacitated for the activity or work in which he was habitually engaged.

4. The penalty of reclusion temporal in its minimum period (12 years and one day to 14 years and 8 months) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall become deformed or shall have lost any other part of his body, or shall have lost the use thereof, or shall have been ill or incapacitated for the performance on the activity or work in which he was habitually engaged for a period of more than ninety (90) days.

5. The penalty of prison mayor in its maximum period (10 years and one day to 12 years) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall have been ill or incapacitated for the performance on the activity or work in which he was habitually engaged for a period of more than thirty (30) days.

6. The penalty of prison mayor in its medium period (8 years and one day to 10 years) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall have been ill or incapacitated for the performance on the activity or work in which he was habitually engaged for a period of ten (10) days or more, or that the injury sustained shall require medical assistance for the same period.

7. The penalty of prison mayor in its minimum period (6 years and one day to 8 years) if in consequence of the hazing the victim shall have been ill or incapacitated for the performance on the activity or work in which he was habitually engaged from one (1) to nine (9) days, or that the injury sustained shall require medical assistance for the same period.

8. The penalty of prison correccional in its maximum period (4 years, 2 months and one day to 6 years) if in consequence of the hazing the victim sustained physical injuries which do not prevent him from engaging in his habitual activity or work nor require medical attendance.

The responsible officials of the school or of the police, military or citizen’s army training organization, may impose the appropriate administrative sanctions on the person or the persons charged under this provision even before their conviction. The maximum penalty herein provided shall be imposed in any of the following instances:

(a) when the recruitment is accompanied by force, violence, threat, intimidation or deceit on the person of the recruit who refuses to join;

(b) when the recruit, neophyte or applicant initially consents to join but upon learning that hazing will be committed on his person, is prevented from quitting;

(c) when the recruit, neophyte or applicant having undergone hazing is prevented from reporting the unlawful act to his parents or guardians, to the proper school authorities, or to the police authorities, through force, violence, threat or intimidation;

(d) when the hazing is committed outside of the school or institution; or

(e) when the victim is below twelve (12) years of age at the time of the hazing.

The owner of the place where hazing is conducted shall be liable as an accomplice, when he has actual knowledge of the hazing conducted therein but failed to take any action to prevent the same from occurring. If the hazing is held in the home of one of the officers or members of the fraternity, group, or organization, the parents shall be held liable as principals when they have actual knowledge of the hazing conducted therein but failed to take any action to prevent the same from occurring.

The school authorities including faculty members who consent to the hazing or who have actual knowledge thereof, but failed to take any action to prevent the same from occurring shall be punished as accomplices for the acts of hazing committed by the perpetrators.

The officers, former officers, or alumni of the organization, group, fraternity or sorority who actually planned the hazing although not present when the acts constituting the hazing were committed shall be liable as principals. A fraternity or sorority’s adviser who is present when the acts constituting the hazing were committed and failed to take action to prevent the same from occurring shall be liable as principal.

The presence of any person during the hazing is prima facie evidence of participation therein as principal unless he prevented the commission of the acts punishable herein.

Any person charged under this provision shall not be entitled to the mitigating circumstance that there was no intention to commit so grave a wrong.

This section shall apply to the president, manager, director or other responsible officer of a corporation engaged in hazing as a requirement for employment in the manner provided herein.

Apart from the stupid use of IF at the very top of what should have been the most substantial part of this law, Section 4 is mostly concerned with assigning liability. Which is fine, but again, it detracts from what the primary focus of this law ought to be: preventing hazing from happening.

Now it can be argued that the fear of punishment acts as a deterrent to wrong-doing. True enough, but only when the fear of punishment is presented as a credible threat. Simply naming the people who will be punished – but not laying out the means by which the wrong-doing can be discovered and therefore brought into the criminal justice system – does not establish credibility. At most, this provision creates a kind of frisson of excitement that wrong-doing is being committed with impunity.

Everything else that follows is blah blah.

Section 5. If any provision or part of this Act is declared invalid or unconstitutional, the other parts or provisions thereof shall remain valid and effective.

Section 6. All laws, orders, rules or regulations which are inconsistent with or contrary to the provisions of this Act are hereby amended or repealed accordingly.

Section 7. This Act shall take effect fifteen (15) calendar days after its publication in at least two (2) national newspapers of general circulation.

What’s missing in this law?

A prohibition against drinking, for one. This law – despite it’s high-flown title – pretty much just sets out the penalties for hazing, but does not address the known antecedents of hazing, such as the consumption of alcohol. I daresay in some of the shadier organizations, drug use would be involved as well.

Qualifications for the school representatives and a reporting requirement would be very helpful too. Again, what’s the point of assigning representatives when those reps can be practically anyone. It would be better, in fact, if the law could mandate all schools have a designated overseer for all student organizations. Most Guidance Counselor’s offices are already set up for that anyway. Some schools even have that already.

Except, in at least one instance, that “overseer” role has been assigned to the school’s head of security. Stupid. Hazing isn’t a security problem. It’s a lack-of-guidance problem.

Oh and, how about getting rid of all the limp-wristed provisions of this law? Yeah, how about that? How about revisiting this law and making sure that there is no equivocation in its language and that there is no watering down of the protections being given to students.

I understand the fraternity/sorority culture. I am a Greek letter chick myself. And I remain convinced that this culture is a necessary and beneficial part of university life. When things are going great, we provide friendship and support for people who would otherwise be adrift – far from home, bombarded by academic demands and pulled in the opposite direction by the lure of freedom from parental supervision. But we are people too, and people tend to abuse freedoms. So I’m all in favor of clamping down on hazing, not by pretending to eliminate it (which can’t be done) but by providing safety nets and regulations that ensure the survival of everyone who goes through that gauntlet.

If this law were tougher, if it were better crafted, if we had rational regulations, then perhaps people like Servando could be graduating in a year’s time instead of just being dead right now.

Filed under: education, Filipino, , , , , , , , , , ,

This isn’t bridge building

One of the Latin titles borne by the Roman Catholic Pope is Pontifex Maximus. Today, that title is translated as Supreme Pontiff, or even High Priest. Pretty accurate, right?

But Pontifex is of much older vintage than that. The word actually comes from the ancient Roman  religion – the one where they worship Jupiter, Neptune, etc – and literally means “bridge-builder.” This was important on two levels. First, in the physical sense as it related to the worship practices of those times, it was only the priest – the pontifex – who was able to address the river god to “get his permission” for the erection of bridges. And bridges were critical to the financial and political well being of the Roman empire.

Second, on the symbolic level, it was the pontifex who was expected to “bridge” the gap between the gods and men. This is the sense of the word that prevails now and makes “Pontifex Maximus” such an apt title for the Roman Pope. He – Pope Francis today – is the one who bridges the divide between the earthly kingdom and the heavenly kingdom; he is the one who brings billions of Catholics in communion with the one God.

Breathtaking responsibility, isn’t it?

Over the last few years, however, more and more Catholics have been feeling more and more alienated from that one God who is supposed to welcome them with open arms. And the fault is often laid at the feet of the Catholic Church and its Pope – particularly the unpopular Benedict XVI – due to its policies on reproductive health, homosexuality, and child abuse by priests.

The Church’s hardline positions on these issues have been driving a deep wedge between itself and the faithful, causing the latter to drift away. Now if you were to take the hardline stance, that isn’t such a bad thing. After all, there have been bishops who have shrugged of the dwindling congregations by saying that those who remain are the true Catholics. There is a certain amount of sense in that. Religions are, by their very nature, meant to be exclusive clubs open only to those who believe in the core faith. It follows therefore that if you don’t believe, you’re welcome to leave.

But the inescapable fact is that these issues – RH, homosexuality, and child abuse – cut across religious boundaries because of the Church’s preeminence. Let me explain.

Today, the largest non-government healthcare provider in the world is the Catholic church. Considering the state of government run health facilities in many countries outside of the developed world, this means that even non-Catholics basically have no choice but to go to Catholic institutions for health services.

Now imagine going to a Catholic clinic and asking for condoms because you already have more children than you can feed? Or asking for a morning-after pill coz you’ve been raped and don’t  want to get pregnant? Nope and Nope. Condoms are prohibited, and contraception and abortion are strictly verboten. Abortion actually results in automatic excommunication.

But beyond health services, consider also the effect of 1.1 billion Catholics on public policies regarding non-discrimination against homosexuals, and the treatment of priests found to have molested minors.

These are real-world situations that, by rights, should have nothing to do with religious beliefs, and yet the very pervasiveness of the Roman Catholic Church practically define how they are professionally and officially addressed.

As a result, many people – finding their religion being used to deprive them of service and solace – end up losing their religion. Remember how I said that isn’t such a bad thing for purists? Yes, well, the Roman Catholic Church is also pragmatic and the fact is, the Church pulls down at least 4 billion US dollars a year in donations, from the American churches alone! If the number of faithful diminish, so too will the collections. It really is as simple as that.

Now this isn’t to say that it’s just a money-grubbing industry. While the Church has its share of embezzlers, much of that money still goes to funding the thousands of hospitals and missions maintained by the Church in developing countries.

Nevertheless, that’s the quandary the Church is in right now. It’s hemorrhaging believers and losing dollars. Downstream, this will mean less money for charities, hospitals, and missions. Everybody loses.

The proximate cause of this exodus of believers, everyone agrees, is the Church’s stance on reproductive health, homosexuality, and the treatment of child abuse cases. Ironically, these are the very same issues that the Church refuses to  give ground on. Again, understandable from a strictly purist point of view, but murder on the pragmatic side of the Church. In a very real sense then, the bridges of the Church to its flock are crumbling and, as a bridge builder between men and God, the Church is failing miserably.

Which is why many Catholics – and Church observers – are over the moon with Pope Francis now. This affable, selfie-taking, Argentinian has taken the world by storm with his humility and no-nonsense attitude. Many hail him as a breath of fresh air, and people are just quivering with excitement at his decidedly forward-looking statements.

In 2013, his statement “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”  had everyone and his gay uncle jumping for joy. Here in the Philippines, formerly implacable critics of Benedict XVI were suddenly more inclined to give the Church the benefit of the doubt.

And certainly, doubt we should.

Here are the other things Pope Francis says, compiled by

Here, a collection of his very worst quotes on the issue.

1. A Senate vote on gay marriage is a destructive pretension against the plan of God

From a letter to the Carmelite Sisters of Buenos Aires on the perils of marriage equality:

“Let’s not be naïve, we’re not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God.”

2. Gay marriage will destroy the family

More from the same letter to the four monasteries of Argentina:

“The Argentine people will face a situation whose outcome can seriously harm the family… At stake is the identity and survival of the family: father, mother and children.

3. Gay parenting is a rejection of God’s law engraved in our hearts


“At stake are the lives of many children who will be discriminated against in advance, and deprived of their human development given by a father and a mother and willed by God. At stake is the total rejection of God’s law engraved in our hearts.”


4. The political struggle against marriage equality is war

And finally:

“The bill will be discussed in the Senate after July 13. Look at San Jose, Maria, Child and ask them [to] fervently defend Argentina’s family at this time. [Be reminded] what God told his people in a time of great anguish: ‘This war is not yours but God’s.’ May they succor, defend and join God in this war.”

5. Gay adoption is discrimination against children

According to the National Catholic Reporter, Francis called gay adoption a form of “discrimination against children.” A comment that resulted in a public rebuke from Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, who said that Francis’ remarks suggested “medieval times and the Inquisition.”

This isn’t bridge-building. Not in the least. And the worst part is that this dark core of anti-gay thought is now being clothed in the purest white and being sold to an adoring public, and for the most cynical of reasons – money.


Filed under: church and state, international, sex, sheepage, , , ,

Which type of Filipina is sexiest?

I’m pretty conflicted about this article from the Huffington Post. On the one hand, it’s a kick to see that Filipinas are considered the fifth sexiest women in the world, ranking after the British, Colombians, Russians, and Brazilians. But on the other hand, I have to wonder, which Filipinas they’re talking about?

For those of you who don’t know or are too chickenshit to admit, there are several kinds of Filipinas, depending on how much foreign blood has been introduced into the mix.

A basic Google Image search ought to illustrate.

First, you have your Basic Malayan – the type I like calling Pinays.

Very beautiful I think, and that pug nose can be quite adorable at times. Nice doe eyes add a hint of oriental mystique, and of course the hair. Now the big boobs in the picture aren’t exactly a common occurrence, but admittedly, when they do happen, they look very nice.

And then there’s the Filipina-Chinese. Let’s call them the Shobes.

Heart Evangelista would fit in this category, but I’m not using her as an example simply because she is a celebrity. And well, celebrities do take extra care of their appearance so, she would hardly be representative of the average Filipina. SO yeah, this chick.

The thing with most Filipina-Chinese is that they tend to have cute rounded cheeks. They rock the look, though.

There are also the Bonitas, Filipina-Spanish. Take a look at this stunner.

While profiling looks is probably one of the least politically correct things to be doing, the physical differences in the appearances of these three broad (and admittedly arbitrary) categories of Filipina women are striking enough to be noticeable. I think these pictures make that pretty obvious.

Bonitas tend to have sharper, more delicate features, such as patrician noses and thin lips. Pinays have fuller features, especially noticeable with the pouty lips and pert noses. Bonitas have rounded eyes, while Shobes and Pinays normally have chinky peepers.

Bonita faces have more angular planes than do the typical Shobes and Pinays. Shobes have softer features, tending to be heart-shaped and Pinays tend to have the oval to oblong face shape characteristic of Malays.

Body-wise, I think Shobes have the best figures. Boobs not to big, tending to be long in the torso, and tall. Bonitas and Pinays are more likely to be petite, with Bonitas being really slightly built while Pinays are more on the robust side.

ASIDE: before you go ballistic on me for doing this kind of comparison, remember I’m only talking about averages here. There are outliers for all three types I’m describing, naturally.

So there you go. I wonder what type of Filipina they considered when they ranked us as the fifth sexiest. What do you think?

Filed under: international, musings, sex, vacuity, , , ,

On that Singaporean’s hate blog

I recently flew in from Singapore and, in short order, stumbled on this blogpost: Filipino infestation in Singapore-5 point guide to showing displeasure without breaking the law.

Obviously, my first reaction was outrage. And then I thought about the piece some more and realized, no, this isn’t outrageous. It’s funny!

No really. Look.

1. Reject, and ask for replacement

If you encounter a Pinoy waiter/waitress or customer service officer, tell them this: ” Could you kindly ask a Singaporean staff to speak to me? Your standard of English-there is much left to be desired.” If the idiot continues rambling on, tell him/her with a smile:” Your English sucks,  capisce?  Get the fuck out of my uncaring face and find me someone else pronto.”

If you’ve ever been to Singapore, you’ll know that Singlish is, easily, the worst mutilation of English ever. They even have actual projects to get Singaporeans to speak better Engrish! If yuh ha a pobrerm wi dat, wats di veedeo.

So you see, the writer is actually just projecting his own linguistic shortcomings to Filipinos, for clearly satirical effect. I mean who better to mock-accuse of bad english than the best english teachers in the world, yeah?

2. Step on ’em, push or shove’em

When the Peenoise get rowdy or obviously do not observe basic social decorum, a little “nudge” in the right direction won’t harm. Just make it look accidental. Pump your fist in victory later when they are out of your sight. We understand sometimes they just don’t get it, so a little more force must be employed. Like what this unsung hero did: This morning at Bishan Circle Line MRT I pushed a Pinoy out of the train before door closes.

Peenoise! Now that’s funny. Apart from that, though, the author is obviously taking a dig at Singapore’s fairly repressive public behavior laws – the basis for “basic social decorum” in that fine city.


(Image credit:

And the example linked to? Well, that’s clearly a stand-in for how Singaporeans feel about the restrictions imposed on them, acted out on Filipinos who, they know, aren’t treated the same way.

Look. I know it’s funny, but with this one, I don’t think we should be laughing. I mean, how would WE feel if our government actually passed a law prohibiting chewing gum? No. Singaporeans can laugh at themselves if they want to, but we should pity Singaporeans for being deprived of such simple pleasures.

3. Create an artistic mess on your plate when dining at Jolibee

Or any other Filipino themed restaurant/ food outlet. Toss food into your mouth, chew thoroughly, then spit it out. Bite another morsel and repeat. Do this till your plate is a masterpiece of regurgitated nastiness. Ask for the bill (pay in cash), scribble “Pinoy food fucking tastes like shit” on the receipt and remember to leave that piece of paper behind.

And here again, we see the blogger’s masterful use of satire. Notice how, number one, the blogger prescribes “chewing thoroughly.” Obviously, this is so that whoever does this gets the full flavor benefits of Filipino cooking. But, number two, you have to spit it out. That’s like the Singaporean equivalent of what the French do when they love the food so much that they have to eat more despite being filled to capacity. The French throw the food up to make room for more, the Singaporeans spit. Because that’s what they do.

And embedded in a joke is the common fear of Singaporeans – getting tracked down. Which is why, number three, the blogger prescribes paying in cash. No records, y’all.

Okay. So maybe that last one isn’t funny. Cries for help, after all, should never be cause for levity.

4. Never render help when Filipinos are involved in serious traffic accidents

Stand on the side with your arms folded across your chest, peering curiously at the bloody setpiece. Do not call the ambulance. But you have our permission to take photographs so they can be tweeted later with the caption: Hopefully another Pinoy has breathed his last on the little red dot. RIP.NOT.

Well, duh. Obviously Singaporeans should not feel obliged to help. After all, Filipinos will always rush to the side of their fallen compatriots. Singaporeans would probably just get in the way, la?

But since this is a joke post, they had to add the “eww factor:” taking pictures of accident scenes. Now, if you haven’t heard, a high eww factor – that is to say the level of icky-ness – is a great way to identify fake rumors on the internet. Which is why the gross out stories and pictures floating around on-line are usually fake. It’s the same with this one, and the eww factor was clearly put in there to signal to you, the discerning reader, not to take everything too seriously.

5. Pray for a flood of blibical proportions to descend upon Orchard Road on 8 June

Go to the nearest church and pray. Pray hard for divine intervention aloud. Make sure God (and the Pinoy sitting next to you on the same bench) hears every word.
There will be no Noah’s Ark to save the partying Filipino motherfuckers when hell breaks loose, because Noah sure ain’t Pinoy when we last checked. Let’s watch them drown whilst eating popcorn on our HD TVs.

Edit: The event to celebrate Pinoy National Day has been called off. Glory to Jesus ! A-fucking-MEN!

Because the Filipino national day celebs were actually cancelled – Oli Pettigrew even tweeted about it – this one might fool you into taking it seriously. Don’t let it!

What the blogger is saying is that she actually wishes she could be AT the party instead of being stuck at home watching TV. And why would she be stuck at home? Obviously because, like Noah, she ain’t Filipino.

In fact, most Singaporeans are so used to being left out that it’s made it’s way into their urban-speak. Bo Jio!

On another level, this particular item on her list is the blogger’s way of lashing out at the fact that, in order to get a chance to frolic in the water, she’d actually have to pay lots of money just to get to a beach. Clearly, this blogger has heard of how awesome – and awesomely free – beaches are in the Philippines. And in true satirical fashion, wishes the exact opposite on Filipino revelers.


And finally,

6. ( bonus point) Actually this is our favourite. If you see a Pinoy cashier at NTUC, Cold Storage or Giant, throw a can of Baygon into your shopping before approaching him/her to make payment. When the cashier picks up the insecticide spray ready to do a barcode scan, ask him/her wryly: ” Is this effective against Filipinos?  Sorry, I meant cockroaches. “

LOL! The blogger truly saved the best for last because, MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN THE COCKROACHES IN SINGAPORE?


They have serious sanitation problems over there!

And you know that the reason the sight of a Filipino might remind them that they need bugspray is because Filipinos are known to be clean folk who don’t tolerate vermin in their homes. So, seeing a Filipino actually shames this blogger into doing something about roaches in her couches!

I don’t know about you, but reading this blogger’s post has given me a bellyful of air from laughing. I’m so glad that Singaporeans aren’t as rude or as stuck up as a lot of people think they are. It’s good to see that they can laugh at themselves too.

And trust me, they need to be able to do that.

Filed under: Filipino, , ,

Revilla for President

Ramon Revilla for President in 2016!

It’s not as impossible as you might think.

1. Who’s to stand against him? Mar Roxas? As it is, Mar Roxas may have some sort of appeal to those who fancy themselves the intelligentsia, but even then, I suspect only as a kind of ‘lesser-evil.’ Let’s face it, coming off of a series of fuck-ups, Mar isn’t exactly a sterling example of presidential calibre.

2. Jejomar Binay? A definite possibility, but I think that Jojo might be intelligent enough to understand that he might not be winnable, and that the game plan in 2016 of rooting out as many Liberals as possible will only be workable with a united opposition. So, I think there is a better than average chance of Binay stepping aside for Revilla at crunch time. He will probably run as Veep again, but with some sort of internal arrangement that he actually runs the show. Don’t be so shocked. Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas had the same arrangement.

3. Peter Cayetano? He’s a hard sell as president. Many upper middle class people are leery of him because of his known penchant for turning on the people who’ve supported him. They have a word for that in Filipino. His crusader antics might play well with some people, but come the time for choosing sides, I think most will opt for a more predictable person.

4. Grace Poe? She’s not likely to run, despite the fact that she’s now being touted as the great white Liberal hope. She reminds some people of Cory Aquino, I guess, but she’s still playing coy. I suppose when she starts reminding herself of Cory Aquino, that’s when she’s gonna run. But her biggest problem is that she has no constituency to speak of. Remember that the only reason she stood out in 2013 was because she was in a crowd of bland people, and there was Nancy Binay to act as the dark mirror of her. Standing on her own, I don’t see that she has anything that will make her a prime candidate.

5. What does Bong Revilla have going for him? He has a definite constituency – his regional/provincial base. There’s a lot of magic that can be worked with something like that. For one thing, it’ll provide a bailiwick where results manipulation can easily be disguised.

6. The Estrada machinery can very easily be enslaved to Revilla’s run. In 2010, Joseph Estrada came in third, remember? A known philanderer and a convicted plunderer, who went back on his own word not to run for office, despite a clear constitutional prohibition from Presidents seeking re-election, Erap still placed third. What does that say about voters? They. Don’t. Care.  With a following like that, placed in the service of Revilla, that candidacy has a big hope of actually pulling off a win.

7. Dissatisfaction with the current administration. Despite spin and a few Twitter hacks, no one is overjoyed with how this administration is performing. The buzz on the streets now is about as discontented as the buzz during the tail end of the last administration. It’s just that the PR boys now are much better at managing their boss’ press releases and public relations. What do you expect from a makati-based, industrial strength PR firm?

Oh and, PNoy didn’t win because of himself. He won because Gloria sucked rocks.

8. Voters are stupid. They will vote for whoever their “liders” tell them to vote. That’s because they are uninformed and unimaginative and fucking lazy. Yeah, Revilla has that going for him. All he really has to do is bring some really entertaining celebrities out on the stump with him and he’s got it made in the shade.

9. What does he have to look out for? COMELEC.

Is this what you want? If it is, then just keep doing whatever the fuck you’re doing now. And if Bong Revilla wins in 2016, then you will have gotten the President you deserve.

Filed under: 2016 elections, , , , , ,