SMOKING MAKES YOUR CLOTHES SMELL BAD; STAINS YOUR TEETH; ENLARGES THE PORES OF YOUR FACE. SMOKING STAINS YOUR FINGERS A GREASY YELLOW AND MAKES EVEN THE MOST SUMPTUOUS STEAK TASTE LIKE CARDBOARD WARMED OVER. OH AND, SMOKING WILL PROLLY KILL YOU.
SO DON’T LIGHT UP.
A study by a Harvard University team indicates that cigarette makers have used menthol to hook new smokers. Menthol, it seems, dulls the harshness of cigarette smoke, allowing new smokers to tolerate it better – and consequently get more nicotine. And of course, nicotine is addictive. Just ask Jeff Wigand.
This bit of news makes me wonder whether I’ve been played. I bummed a regular smoke and tried it. Too harsh, man. I’ve still got a tickle in my throat from that stupid experiment. I suppose that only means that I’m too far down the road of addiction to turn back.
Apart from the rare moment of utter need when I’ve smoked anything else, I’ve always been menthol; Philip Morris, despite all the requisite jokes about being a hooker or a laborer; at one point, when I just couldn’t get my hands on a PM, I tried Hope. Bleech. And don’t even get me started about Champion – which a teacher of mine swears by as a cure for his cough. So my question now is, has my devotion to menthol been a result of manipulation? Or, as I still prefer to think of it, a question of taste?
I like the way menthol smoke fills my mouth with heat and cold all at the same time; I like the way it slides down my throat like intangible bourbon; and most of all, I like the way it feels on the way out, passing like a northern breeze over my tongue and out between my lips. It’s always had a sensuous feel to it, like swimming naked in the sea, only in your mouth, where you rise from the water naked, clean, and refreshed.
Adding these disclaimers is prolly one of the most hypocritical things I’ve ever done; do as I say but not as I do and all that. But still, for better or worse, clean living is not the path I chose. But I’ll be damned if I let my stupidity lead others into similar idiocy.
TATTOOS GET YOU SEX. SMOKING ONLY CAUSES IMPOTENCE.
IF YOU LIGHT UP, YOU CAN’T GET IT UP.